For me New Years doesn't so much signify the end of a year so much as an end of a season. I have two very distict and painful seasons of the year with regards to work, Summer and Christmas. The end of both require a detox period and a plan to re-establish the so called healthy lifestyle we aspire to. So it's not so much New Years resolutions but end of season, we can't live like this for much longer, my ass is getting really huge consequences. As a result our end of season resolutions tend to be the same bi-annually so there is no suprises, excersise again, eat normally, in bed before midnight and up before 9:30, and the big one no smoking and drinking in moderation, can't take away all the fun.
Two more nights, two more nights. Last night we had the local biker/red neck pub staff party, a real treat I must say. Tonight we have a local dentist and his entourage. They have called and emailed several times asking how late they can stay, never a good sign for me. Two more nights.
The days have been flying by in a uncontrollable whirl of frenzy. What day is it? Where am I? Who am I? Last week we celebrated Bella's 11th birthday, 11 years old...unfathonable really. We went out for dinner and had a nice time together. She really is one of the sweetest, most loving, full of life people I know. She's amazing and yet she drives me crazy like nobody else can. I don't know why that is? Or maybe I do but don't want to deal with that yet, I know, I've read the books, projecting myself onto her, seeing my own shortcomings, wanting her to be perfect blah, blah blah. I DO know I have to find some new way of dealing with her or we are in for some serious trouble in a couple of years. Why can't someone just give me a manual, when she says this, the appropriate answer that will transform the entire situation in such a way as for her to think, wow, I have the most wisest and coolest mom ever, is this. That would be so great.
We we finally have power, phone and cable back and most importantly The BEARS! The bears is what I have called the kids every since they were little, they have forbid me from calling them that at school, three years ago, but to me they are the bears. After being stuck at Kinga's since Saturday I finally got them back on Wednsday. I knew there was no chance on Monday, however Tuesday I was waiting on the front steps of the school lunches in hand for an hour and a half. No Bears. I went to the grocery store and came back to school, no bears. Finally got through to Kinga and the tractor that was ploughing thier driveway couldn't make it up the hill and ended up sliding backwards into the ditch. But Wedsday, back with lunches I giddily head into their classrooms, so excited to see them. I got about five seconds of attention from Bella, I did get a hug though and then about 10 seconds from Max but I persistantly followed him and his buddy Luke as they made thier way in the Library and tagged along with them as long as I was tolerated, about 10 minutes but still they were coming home.
My driveway looks like the driveway of a retired zamboni driver (or my dad's when I was growing up). If only I had some of that dirty salty stuff it'd look real professional. When I was a kid as soon as it started snowing, and I should mention here we spend most of my childhood up north, real north, few hours of daylight in the winter, snow 9 months of the year , snow banks 8 feet high north, there was some sort of magnetic pull of my dad to shovel. He had one of those really big scoopy ones, the kind you could sit in and be pushed around and dumped in snowbanks kinda shovel. You'd see him out there a flurry of snow rushing past his black toque shoveling till our driveway shone black pavement. It wasn't just enough to shovel OUR driveway, also the sidewalks, for most of our neighborhood. If there was any old ladies around, their driveways, stairs and any possible path they would want to take upon leaving either front, back or side door.
I just watched The Inconvenient Truth. I found it both inspiring and deeply moving, by moving I mean the tears down my face. Imagine what the world would be like now if this man was president. I find it so hard not to cry when I find something moving, it's a very annoying habit because I feel like it undermines my real feelings. I have never attended a remembrance day service without alot of klenex, I end up spending so much energy trying not to cry that I miss the moment. For instance, my mantra this last remembrance ceremony was, "don't look at old people, don't look at old people, look at that nice dog, dogs don't make you cry, nice doggy."
At work again, hosting some meeting, waiting for lunch.
Yesterday I had a public tantrum in front of my kids school. Special moment for me. Bella wanted to go to a friends house after school and I just so wanted them to be home, Steve says it's only for an hour after skating what's the big deal? So I freak out and yell fine march off to the car, drive myself to the nearest intersection to our house say I'm not going to skating, slam the door and walk home. Feeling like a total loser.
Luckily, I have a pretty patient family. They must have decided to humor me, and they came home after skating all smiles and hugs. I'm such a loser.
TODAY I WILL be a patient, loving, non-freaky mom/wife/human.
Tired, very tired. Worked a 14 hour shift yesterday after a late night Saturday. Tired. So much to do. Groceries, Laundry, Clean the house, be a fun and patient mom, take kids skating, make something resembling dinner. To much to think about today.
Great morning! and I'm not being sarcastic. It started off with a phone call from my ex spewing out his usual blend of self pity mixed with contempt and a generous helping of bullshit. I did what I usually did and listened, mmhmm, yeah, mmhmm, Ok. After I hung up I thought fuck that, bullshit, and called him right back and in my passive agressive way told him he's full of shit. I didn't use those words exactly but that was the just of it. Ohhh that felt good.
The power went out last night at about 7, just as we were installing our hamster's new lego pad. It's hard to hold a hamster in the dark, especially as it seems a hamster's main goal in life is to escape. She's good at escaping. The other night Steve and I got home from work late, sat down for a little Saturday night live before bed and zoom, there she goes past our feet, I'm still trying to process the whole thing when Steve leaps off the couch and in a cat like manner pounces on aforementioned hamster. How the hell did she get out? Steve says the top of her cage is open, but here's the thing, I know it was closed. I gave her a piece of apple earlier because she was giving me the look while I was trying to eat my lunch and the door was closed, I slid it through the bars. Anyway, it was closed, so somehow she has learned how to lift up the metal bit that holds the door in place and slide the door over.
